Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Original Rules of Marriage.

I want to thank DKW for asking me nicely to post my other rules of marriage. Even if you have seen them in the past, they are worth rereading. By the way, there has been at least one significant addition in the last month.

1. Marriage is not 50/50. It is 100/100. You are each 100% responsible for the success of your marriage.

2. Do not go somewhere to find a spouse if you would not want your children hanging out there.

3. Take 30 minutes with your spouse every day. “Date night” is also critical, especially after you become parents.

4. One rose 12 times will speak more loudly than 12 roses once. Remember the little things. Do them often.

5. Call, text, or e-mail your spouse from work once a day, just to say hello.

6. When you get married, you can no longer be single. Act married. This means the following:
a. Most of your friends should be married people.
b. Do married things. This means not hanging out in bars. See #2.
c. Your parents are now second on the priority list.
d. In a conflict between your spouse and your parents, your spouse always wins. This holds true even if you disagree with your spouse.
e. Once you’ve made the decision to be married, act married. Engagement is not your last chance to sow wild oats.

7. Never put yourself in a situation where your honour or integrity might be called into question.

8. Never let anyone call your spouse’s honour into question. Your spouse always gets your trust. No one is ever allowed to say anything bad about your spouse.

9. Talk about your spouse with respect and love. Do not make jokes about your spouse. This holds when your spouse is present, and when your spouse is not present. Talk to your spouse with respect.

10. When you get married, it is no longer “his money” and “her money.” The money belongs to both of you. Trust the values that you and your spouse share enough to trust your spouse with the money. Inability to trust your spouse with money is a sign of much deeper problems.

11. Arguments are a normal part of marriage. It is not okay to bring all the past misdeeds. A matter forgiven is a matter ignored. It does not matter who wins or loses an argument. It matters that you are both equal partners.

12. Say three nice things to your spouse every day. You should also flirt with your spouse. Do not let your conversations focus only on who is driving carpool.

13. Your religious values and beliefs are more important to you than you realize. Think carefully about those values and beliefs. Choose a spouse who shares them.

14. Laugh and sing together.

15. Never, ever use the “d” word. Do not joke about it. Do not threaten it. Never let it enter your mind, and you will always find other ways to solve problems.

16. Making love is a vital part of your marriage. Set time aside for making love. Set enough time aside for more than just a “quickie.” Experiment. Have fun. Do not be perfunctory. Whipped cream has uses beyond the kitchen. Pornography is visual adultery.

17. We purchase starter homes. There is no such thing as a “starter marriage.”

18. Your spouse should know your status prior to your facebook friends. Your spouse should know more about your status than your facebook friends.

19. If either one of you thinks you need marriage counseling, seek marriage counseling. Your spouse’s opinions deserve consideration even if you disagree.

20.  Your spouse cannot read your mind.  Tell your spouse what you are thinking.  You cannot read your spouse's mind.  Ask.

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