Mad Magazine

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When I was a kid, my brother had a subscription to Mad magazine.  This was back in the days of Don Martin and William Gaines.  I remember their movie and television spoofs, 'Spy vs Spy,' and a few other things.

Two specific memories stick out in my mind.  The first was a spoof of the animated version of "The Hobbit."  It was a musical.  One of the lyrics, reworked to "Blowin' in the Wind," was 'how many days can a Hobbit go on, when he's hungry and tired and hurt?"

There was once a feature on laws we would like to see.  It is this section that brings these other memories to mind.  What triggered my memory of this section?  It is the only law that I remember, and it is highly relevant as we go into a federal election here in Canada, and then prepare for an election in the United States.

All candidates will be required to eat any campaign signs still posted three days after the election.

This still strikes me as a good law.

Have a great day everyone.

R/SCH 

Instincts and the GPS...the Rest of the Story...

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I wrote the piece on instincts and the GPS while we were on vacation out east.  I did not want to be too specific, as we were away.  Announcing that the house is empty is not exactly smart personal security.

We are back now, and I must tell you that the Province of New Brunswick is just lovely.

Let me tell you about the GPS problems we had.  Please note that these problems were with both the Garmin GPS and with WAZE.  The car's built-in GPS was not helpful either.  However, it is the original that came with our car.  The car is a 2009.  Much has changed since then.

For example, there is a bypass around Montreal.  The signage there is a little confusing.  The GPS and WAZE did not direct me to it, and I did not realize the correct detour until it was too late.  Not that it matters.  The computers, as you are aware, are all-knowing.

Both devices told us to get of the Trans-Canada Highway near Canterbury.  Well we did, and this is most definitely a Canterbury tale.  We drove for about 12 kilometres along route 122.  It was a two-lane road, but it moved nicely.  Then we were supposed to switch to route 630.  About 30 seconds after making that change, the pavement disappeared.  It was a dirt road.  Well....that is an overstatement.  It was a dirt pothole.  We turned around, and went back to the highway. 

As soon as we got back on the highway, the GPS recalculated, and sent us the way I thought we should have gone in the first place.

On the way back, we stopped in Montreal for dinner.  Jennifer was not pleased with the fact that I had consistently started driving and gotten to decision-making points before she even had the chance to plug in the address.  So I waited.  This time, the GPS said to turn right, but had not yet registered that I had turned the car around.  As such, again, it sent me in the wrong direction.

All of this computer gadgetry does have its purposes.  I do like the fact that I can tell the GPS to find the nearest gas station or restaurant.  I like the fact that it may get it wrong from time to time, but probably gets it right way more often than not.  Not always finding the best way is far better than getting hopelessly lost.

I made a suggestion for WAZE.  With permission from both users at that very moment, it could become a useful way to find someone in a crowd or in an unfamiliar area.  If we could program it to find a cell phone, it can become very easy to avoid getting lost in a crowd.

Have a good evening everyone.

R/SCG

Instincts and the GPS...

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Over the last several months, I have been more and more reluctant to use my GPS.  I find that I am getting sick of it.  For the most part, the only reason I use it lately is for an ETA.  I usually know more or less where I am going.

Recently, my GPS and Waze have failed me.  Waze took me an extra exit, only to require a u-turn to get back to the exit I needed in the first place.  My GPS has also goofed, sending me down a side road that was not remotely paved.  When I got back to the highway and went the way I thought was right in the first place, it shortened the travel time.  I lost 30 minutes on a detour I should not have taken.

Reasons I do not like my GPS:

1.  I trust my instincts.
2.  I would like to maintain my instincts.
3.  My instincts tend to be right.
4.  I find both the picture and the voice disturbing.

My friends, the GPS and Waze instructions always tell you to look at a map before traveling.  You can bet I will do that henceforth.  I have been to too many places that I have not intended recently.

Have a good night.

R/SCG

Grenade!!

Top of the evening to all…

Please forgive the attention-grabbing title and the slightly morbid beginning to this blog entry.

The kill radius of a standard grenade is five metres.  The injury radius is 15 metres.  Why do I tell you this?  I tell you this because we have all just been witness to a grenade explosion.

Last week, two lawyers in Ontario filed a class-action lawsuit against Ashley Madison, the website devoted to helping people have an affair.  The lawsuit is for $578,000,000.  The news reports today that there have been two suicides possibly connected with the mass hacking and release of data from that company.  There will be other lawsuits.  There will be broken homes and broken families.  This grenade has killed people, and it will seriously injure others.

My sympathies for all of the active parties are quite limited.  You all know that I regard adultery as abuse.  No company should market marital abuse as a commodity.  That Ashley Madison will likely have to close down shop over this is frankly a benefit to marriage and to society as a whole.  My sympathies for the customers are also limited.  They tried to do something despicable and keep it secret.  They should realize and remember my mother’s sage advice: it takes two people to keep a secret.  If my sympathies for those two groups are limited, my sympathies for the hackers are non-existent.  They have invaded the private lives of many people with the sole purpose of committing crime – extortion, blackmail.  These people are beneath contempt.  They are cowards.  They hide behind computer screens and destroy people.

I have never been able to put into words the difference between sex and intimacy.  I have come close.  Last year, Jennifer did something to her back.  The result was that for about a month, she had to sleep downstairs until we replaced our mattress.  It was torture for both of us, even though I moved downstairs also.  I realized that much of the contact that takes place in a bed is not specifically sexual.  The need for that non-sexual contact is at least part of where I define intimacy.

There is more to the definition than just that contact though.  I say this because the sense of betrayal is far more acute and palpable when there has been a sexual violation of a marriage.  If sex were only a physical activity, to change a partner should really be no different from any other physical activity.  “Honey, I have a new racquetball partner.”  Who cares?!  But that this type of betrayal leads to broken marriages and shortened lives states clearly that (marital) sex is far more than just a physical endeavour.  Bringing someone else into the picture is not at all the same thing as a new racquetball partner.

This grenade has not yet completed its explosion.  There will be more death.  There will be more dishonour.  All I can do is again remind you that there is nothing that can happen with an affair that cannot happen with one’s own spouse.  And the beauty of it is that there is no grenade.  No one’s life will be wrecked.  In fact, the opposite will likely happen.  Lives will be made better.

Good night my friends.

R/SCG

Public Safety Bulletin...

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When I do my two weeks a year with the Navy, I go to Marine Corps Base Quantico.  Most of you do not know Marines.  Marines run.  They can be seen at all times of the day on the running tracks and paths throughout every USMC base.

MCB Quantico has safety rules that govern this.  If out running, walking, or cycling, it is required to wear reflective gear.  As well, the use of earbuds is forbidden.  These are smart rules.

I have tried an experiment a few times.  I get consistent results.  When I am coming up on someone, as always, I ring my bell.  Without fail, the people with earbuds have not heard me.  This is dangerous to them.  It is dangerous to me as a cyclist.

It is dangerous to them because there are other people they may not hear.  Such people may just be clumsy, or they may have nefarious intent.  In either event, the shortened time for a reaction can have consequences.

As well, there is a danger to me.  Humans naturally have a startle reflex.  If that reflex occurs when a cyclist has passed, the cyclist and the walker (or the other cyclist) could get hurt.

Folks, I have heretofore written only about potential negative results between a cyclist and a walker.  If we add in cars to this equation, we have gone from possible injury to possible fatality.

My friends, take the earbuds out.  Listen to the birds sing.  Their music is as lovely as anything you will hear on the ipod.  Listen to the cars drive by.  Listen to the people around you.  And if you miss a phone call, the world will continue.

Be safe.

R/SCG

It Is Difficult to Be Sympathetic, But.......

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Many of you are aware of the major security breach that took place at Ashley Madison this week.  If you do not know, Ashley Madison is the company that helps people sleep around.  Their motto is "life is short.  Have an affair."

You know my feelings about adultery.  I wrote an entry about this exactly four years ago.  It is marital abuse, and has no place in civilized society.  Whatever sympathies I have for the people who tried to have their information deleted is quite limited.

The company has a service in which it promises that for the mere fee of $19, a file can be erased completely.  Hackers stole the 'deleted' files in an effort to prove that there is no such thing as permanent deletion.

I have issues with all hackers.  To steal from a company via computer is no different from stealing from the cash register.  On top of that, for the hackers to hold the personal files hostage because of the company's mistakes and misdeeds is unreasonable.

That being said, my mother always told me that it takes two people to keep a secret.  The warning here was clear.  It is an echo of the rabbis from Pirkei Avot (2:5): do not say something that is not meant to be heard, for it will be heard.  In this world of computer history, that admonition has never been more true.

The folks who thus went to Ashley Madison were therefore sinning egregiously and naive for thinking it could be kept secret forever.  This is why my sympathies are limited.

Nonetheless, I feel compelled to have some sympathy.  I am still waiting for the US government's response to the fact that my information may have been hacked.  My information was given to the government in good faith.  That being said, even naive, egregious sinners are entitled to privacy.

At the end of the day my friends, stay home.  Have an affair with your spouse.  Your spouse will not mind.

Shabbat Shalom.

R/SCG

Cutting the Mustard...

Top of the evening all...

Some years back, Jennifer and I purchased mustard seed.  I think that the reason might have had something to do with finding kosher for Pesach mustard.  It has been so long though that I do not remember the reason.  I do remember though that the intent was to make mustard.

A few weeks ago, I finally made the mustard.  I found several recipes on line, and gambled.

It was b-i-t-t-e-r.  The instructions said though to let it sit for a few days.  It did in fact lose most of the bitterness.  Jennifer decided that she did not like the consistency.  The recipe said to add water until achieving the desired consistency.  I missed that part.  Jennifer added some water.

Folks, that is really good mustard.  I do not know that I will ever make the jump to making my own mustard at home.  But I can tell you it was worth the (minimal) effort.  I will certainly do it again.

It was easy and worth it.

Have a good evening.

R/SCG