Over the last few days, there has been some commotion at Yeshiva University. Normally, I truly do not care what goes on there. However, this is just too interesting to pass up. For those of you who do not know, one of the student publications published an anonymous article about a pre-marital sexual encounter. If I am reading the article correctly, it is also her first time. You can find the article at http://yubeacon.com/2011/12/the__written_word/how-do-i-even-begin-to-explain-this/. It is not brilliant writing. It is real though. The poor young lady states at the end that the only thing she learned from the whole encounter is how to do the walk of shame the next morning. She should go back and reread her article. She has learned a great many important lessons.
She writes that the two of them consumed a fair amount of beer prior to the festivities, and that it helped her shut off her conscience.
Lesson #1: if one requires beer to do something that one would not do while sober, it is probably best not to do it drunk either.
She writes that "between the fumbling, the pain, the pleasure, I convince myself that I’ve learned how to make love."
Lesson #2: learning to make love is something we do with only one person. Having sex will only teach mechanics. Making love means that we also know how to talk to our lover. It means that we know how to touch our lover. It means that we have taken the time to know and care about the person sharing a bed with us.
She writes that "cuddling with him that night, I tell him how much he means to me, but I know I can’t tell him I love him."
Lesson #3: learning to make love requires love.
She writes that she gets dressed the next day and hails him a cab before walking back to the university cafeteria.
Lesson #4: making love has a tender goodbye the next morning. It involves putting a little note into a backpack that the lover will likely see during the day. It involves some expectation that the lovers will see each other again that evening.
This whole encounter takes place in a hotel.
Lesson #5: lovers can enjoy the comforts of a hotel. In fact, they should. But lovers do not share only a bedroom. They share a living room. They share a kitchen. They share a permanent mailing address. Without that long-term commitment , the lady in the article has only worked on the mechanics.
Lesson #6: lovers have no need to hide what they are doing. People assume it. It goes hand-in-hand with lesson #5.
While not stated in the article, I must assume that the couple used some protection.
Lesson #7: lovers worry less about protection. They thrill for the moment, and its meaning in the hour. They are hopeful about the results, and not worried about the "risk."
The author of the article will likely suffer from no small amount of guilt that will follow her at least until her wedding day. I hope she does not. She is human. She has just learned a very adult set of lessons at a very young age. One does not need to feel guilt over mistakes. One only need not repeat them.
Good night to all.